Yet Another Rant

As of today, September 28, 2002, I am utterly disgusted and dismayed about the following social trends (most of which I have stolen from other people, but at least I know that people agree with me that way):

Those stupid "worn-looking" jeans -- I know it's cool to look like you're poor and actually have to do physical labor for a living (as evidenced by the ridiculous long-standing trend of artificial suntans), but let's be honest: these jeans are just ridiculous. Most of the time, the "worn" area is a perfect white line down the center of the leg, and in the worst case scenario, you end up with a ridiculously highlighted butt. I guess at least in the white-butted jeans, it's appropriate, since all these fashion-zombie people do is sit around all day and watch commercials.
Linkin Park's success -- Linkin [sic] Park is probably the worst thing to happen to rock music since Kid Rock (may he suffer eternal torment). First of all, they're nothing but a ridiculous "hardcore" boy band, specifically slapped together by some record executives. Their lyrics are vapid and ridiculous. Their music is uninspired. Although they are supposedly embraced by people who want to "rebel" against society, they fit in perfectly on TRL or the average Top 40 station. What's worse is that they have recently released a remix album and rock stations are actually playing the stupid stuff.
Remixes -- As far as remixes go, the idea is supposedly to recast a song to make it fresh. The weird thing, though, is that every song, after being remixed, sounds exactly like every other remixed song. It couldn't possibly be more predictable: some token "rap" nonsense at the beginning, tedious and repetitive programmed drums, simplified background music, possibly some annoying vocal effects. I look forward to the day when some band finally decides to just put the "remix album" out first.
Playing Eminem on rock stations -- Eminem is not rock. He is actual, unambiguous rap. The only possible reason rock stations are playing his music is because he's white. It makes me ashamed to be a rock fan, but it's true -- rock stations might as well just go ahead and say, "All white, all the time." Lenny Kravitz doesn't count, because he sucks so incredibly much.
Professional Wrestling -- Okay, so help me out here, because I don't understand what's so entertaining about watching a bunch of identical-looking oiled-up guys yell at each other and then do a bunch of acrobatics for four hours a week. Sure, they're not all ridiculously over-muscled white guys who can barely string together a coherent sentence -- some of them are ridiculous stereotypes for minority groups, too. And sure, the Rock can be a little bit articulate or even witty sometimes, but all he's ever talking about is how great he is. I understand that it takes a great deal of athletic prowess to be able to do the moves (and probably a good memory to be able to follow the script correctly), but I stopped being impressed once I realized that every match is exactly the same!
Not being able to hear about anything but Iraq -- Why on earth are we subjected to every tedious detail of what we charitably call the "debate" on Iraq? Is it just to make us feel like we're involved somehow in the decision to start a ridiculous, unprovoked war? Clearly the administration is going to do whatever they were planning on doing in 1999 (namely, cut taxes for the rich and go to war with Iraq) no matter what we think, so why this illusion of debate?
Dogmatic conservatives -- I love it when incredibly narrow-minded people who are determined that they are absolutely right about everything despite the fact that their only source for their opinions is Fox News start harping about how "liberals don't tolerate conservatives." The key "point" they make when they say things like that is that liberals just dismiss conservative views out of hand and don't let conservative voices be heard. What they don't seem to realize is that everyone already knows what a conservative will think on any issue at all. There is a depressing sameness in conservative rhetoric. At this moment in American politics, there are many different issues and points of view on the left, whereas the right has a very, very narrow set of ideas that they repeat endlessly: keep the military huge, cut taxes for the rich, destroy social programs, etc. Because of the variety of opinions in their camp, liberals are generally more open to changing their minds, whereas conservatives take it as a personal affront when someone thinks differently. So here's my message to all you radical Republicans: people don't "not tolerate" you because of your views as such, but because you are incredibly annoying and tedious to talk to.
The fact that much of "American culture" consists of the Same Stupid Thing over and over -- This is pretty much a summary of all the previous items. Maybe America was once the land of rugged individuals going their own way, but mass production of culture apparently put an end to that. If we had to pick a new national bird right now, it would definitely be the Cookie Cutter.
The fact that no one can make a generalization without getting attacked -- Yeah, so you know two or three people in a particular group who don't fit a generalization? Who cares? The point of a generalization is to say what is true most of the time -- the usefulness of a generalization lies precisely in the fact that it allows us to ignore the exceptions for the purpose of discussion. When people forget that there are exceptions, yeah, that's bad, but it's worse when people make discussion impossible by accusing everyone who makes a generalization of thinking that the generalization is unconditionally true in every case. LEARN TO FREAKING THINK!
Next time I do one of these rants, I'm going to have to watch TV for ten hours straight or something -- Here I thought I could do a good pop-culture rant, but I've become a hermit for all practical purposes: watching nothing but Simpsons reruns, listening to NPR all the time, getting all my news from Salon.com, reading dead theologians, and listening to bands that either no one's ever heard of or no one's cared about for the past five years. I haven't gone shopping for clothes in nearly a year. I haven't so much as been to a mall more than twice in the last six months. I have started an unofficial boycott of the movie theater because it gives me a headache, so I'm always several months behind on movies. I am a pathetic excuse for an American -- and for once, I'm seriously not trying to sound superior to everyone. I need to get back in touch. I know what I can do: I'll go out and buy a copy of Rolling Stone to catch up on everything.