A Study of Hatred

Send in your own articles of hatred
The Story of the Hate List
My Suggestions for Submission Format
Contributors

Here's the list:

    #Being one of the people who ignore difficult situations, not because I'd rather it be that way, but because I'm often too spineless to discuss them like civilized adults #Knowing that whether I go to the Winter Formal by myself, or stay home by myself, I'm still going to be extremely depressed by the fact that I'm not at the dance with a wonderful girl #The fact that I have less than 2.5 years to find a girlfriend before I enter an institute of education where probably 99% of the student body is male, and the women who are there are likely to already be married #The fact that I could get a 100% in my history class without reading a single page of the book and skipping every day of class except for test days and review days when the teacher reads every question of the multiple choice test so that all we have to do is look up the answers #Having an American history test that covers 1900 to 1920, yet only asks one question about WW I #The fact that the college president thinks he can alleviate some of the student body's anger by sending a letter explaining why they have to increase tuition #Knowing that my favorite radio station is owned by Disney #The fact that Ann Arbor has no good radio stations and all I can get are the static ones from Detroit #Any form of socialism that is less than perfect #The fact that socialism will never be perfect #Having been a socialist myself a year ago #Not being allowed in Rebekah Dorm after 1:00 in the morning #The fact that most of Americans no longer value good high church liturgy in their worship services anymore #The Great Awakening and revivalism #Not being allowed to have beer on campus even though I detest its taste #Democracy #Everyone who thinks our country is a democracy #Tedious busy work that is assigned to make sure I do my class readings (I paid for the class and the books, I'm going to read them) #People who think it is more important to get an A than to learn anything #Knowing that I probably won't be able to study overseas because it would mess up my plans for graduating on time #People who call my room at 3 AM looking for Kevin Kostner [Editor's Note: Submitted by Kevin Koester]
  1. One of the public restrooms I most commonly use has two doors in a row before I am in the bathroom proper; this wouldn't be a problem if they didn't open in opposite directions toward each other
  2. Turning in a Paper in Search of a Thesis
  3. The fact that I can't have the girls I want, but I am willing to make out with girls who want me
  4. Those people who would rather ignore difficult situations than discuss them like civilized adults
  5. Our superficial society
  6. Capitalism
  7. Those people who view Karl Marx as being as evil if not worse than Lucifer himself
  8. The fall of Communism
  9. The fact that everyone besides those who have an understanding of the situation would shun me for promoting the teachings of Karl Marx
  10. My intense support for the teachings of Karl Marx without truly being able to make a difference in our urine soaked Capitalist society
  11. The fact that many view those nations holding to a Capitalist Economy as being the "Christian Nations" while the teachings of Karl Marx were very similar to those of Jesus Christ (besides the whole atheism thing)
  12. Our superficial society
  13. When I realize I have gone off on a pointless tangent
  14. Weather below 40 degrees
  15. Those things that can only occur if temperatures are below 40 degrees (snow, ice, frostbite, hypothermia, salt trucks)
  16. The fact that my drug stash has run out and I will most likely fall asleep tonight sober
  17. "Its funny how nothing seems much fun anymore to me now that I quit the drink
    Cause soberness, it might be what I need, but its certainly not how I want to be
    Consequence, never had any time to think about what coulda, shoulda happened to me
    C-Commonsense, my parents said I never had any, but now look at who's got the dough
    Without Tonic and Gin
    Without no Vicodin
    Nothing seems much fun anymore to me," (NOFX, So Long and Thanks For All The Shoes, Quart in Session, track number 15)
  18. Sean Martel
  19. Capitalism
  20. Adam Kotsko is in England (this is like whole other country)
  21. Having so much to hate and so few to kill
  22. Athletics
  23. Our superficial society filled with countless simple-minded fools
  24. All of the days between December 21st and March 20th
  25. Thinking that I know where my life is headed only to realize the next day that I was wrong
  26. Being undeniably wrong
  27. Being offered a threesome with two hot girls only to realize that it will be impossible to see either of these girls for over a month
  28. The fact that I am destined to lead a life of celibacy
  29. The Protestant Reformation (really, what did it accomplish?)
  30. Adam Kotsko is in England (did I mention that this is whole other country?)
  31. Just to make sure I didn't forget Sean Martel
  32. The argument that "you can't rape the willing" doesn't hold up in the Court of Law
  33. Our superficial society of whom I am the King
  34. Excuse me while I go kill myself
  35. The fact that spell-checkers don't generally realize that it's perfectly acceptible to put an apostrophe-S on the end of most words
  36. Agonizing over how I'm going to get it home every time I want to buy a book, or much of anything
  37. The fact that British keyboards have " where we have @
  38. Percy Bysshe Shelley's annoying habit of writing 15-page, nearly incomprehensible poems
  39. Percy Bysshe Shelley's ridiculous name
  40. The strange headache that comes from sleeping in too late
  41. Being an arrogant jackass in a theological debate
  42. The fact that Fight Club was released in the UK just recently and apparently costs $40 on DVD
  43. Feeling like a substantial part of my education at Oxford so far has come from watching the Godfather movies
  44. The agony that comes from beginning a paper
  45. It's not like the movies: they fed us on little white lies
  46. Being afraid of change, even positive change
  47. The fact that our president is an international laughingstock after having been in office less than a month
  48. My ascetic lifestyle
  49. Needing somebody to love
  50. Ridiculously arrogant British newspaper columnists
  51. Always, always feeling as though I'm wasting time
  52. Theological debate
  53. When my computer beeps very loudly for a very long time, and there's nothing I can do about it
  54. The fact that Fight Club was apparently never released in the UK
  55. The fact that I'm writing a paper I don't want to do, and the only thing I can really justify doing in its place is other schoolwork
  56. Reconciling faith and reason
  57. Culture
  58. Discourse
  59. Thinking about arguments that happened in the past and getting mad all over again
  60. The fact that I don't have ethernet-speed wireless Internet access
  61. The fact that I have to restart Microsoft Hearts entirely to start a new game without finishing the current one
  62. Being all alone in the hate list
  63. My ridiculously expensive phone card
  64. That I can't think of any hated object to enumerate in this spot
  65. The fact that the noise from my CD-ROM drive is often louder than the music from my laptop speakers
  66. Constantly writing papers when I could be reading more
  67. Falling asleep while attempting to read
  68. Looking at what I was supposedly reading while struggling to stay awake the night before and realizing that I might as well never have seen it before in my life
  69. People whose gods come on the cover of a magazine
  70. The fact that I hate Macintoshes
  71. Decadence
  72. Listening to music on headphones
  73. Allergies
  74. That awkward feeling of having used over 200 Kleenexes in one day
  75. Being unable to resist playing 3D Pinball for Windows constantly
  76. Having had the same old boring mp3s forever
  77. Having to go straight from a semester at Oxford to a summer-long program of learning the martial arts in Japan
  78. The fact that America sucks, but everyone else is too poor for me to want to move there
  79. Towns built from the ground up so that everyone will drive everywhere
  80. The British road "layout"
  81. Medieval throwbacks
  82. Crippling bureaucracy
  83. Tori Amos's continuing failure to produce a top 40 hit
  84. The fact that I've eaten at McDonald's quite a few times here, and I'm forced to admit that it's not really that terrible
  85. Not having the education of John Milton
  86. Paradoxes incapable of rational solution
  87. The fact that the Home key on my keyboard is right next to Backspace
  88. Feminists
  89. Being a slacker
  90. A4 paper--it's a stinking inch longer
  91. Mickey Mouse computer setups
  92. Thinking of something funny at a random time and being unable to resist laughing out loud, and the resulting social ostracization
  93. WA!
  94. Maggie: A Girl of the Streets
  95. Having to admit that a book on Oprah's club is actually good (The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver)
  96. Not knowing anything at all
  97. Falling asleep while trying to read
  98. Having to go "number two" without a book handy
  99. Being ripped off
  100. The process of rationalization
  101. Imperfection
  102. Being a moron and having to work feverishly to finish a "busy work" assignment that I should have been doing all along
  103. Classes that require "journals," for the following reasons:
  104. The System
  105. The Economy, Stupid
  106. The Market
  107. Excessive Capitalization
  108. Every girl at Olivet: yes, even you.
  109. Being arrested on a technicality, like "having killed someone in cold blood"
  110. People who win at everything
  111. When teachers tell people their paper is good even though it sucks
  112. Classes where I don't technically learn anything
  113. When my professor tells me to go to the library when I complain that I don't feel like I'm being taught the material the class promised
  114. Being the "token male"
  115. Excessive use of "quotation marks"
  116. Poorly written programs that decide they'll secretly keep running when I think I've closed them, until I finally have ten instances of that program running and the computer is so bogged down that I can type something into Instant Messenger, go to the bathroom, come back, and find that it still hasn't quite caught up with my typing
  117. Professors whose minds are literally absent
  118. High-maintenance women
  119. People who think that just because I get good grades I can give them helpful advice on how to live their lives
  120. When my "psychologist" tells me the Hate List is passive-aggressive, as though that's a bad thing
  121. Writing lengthy papers on my philosophy of life as it applies to the integration of My Christian Faith into the Discipline of English
  122. Groups of guys who make up a name for themselves and get a little group of girls to hang around with them all the time
  123. The word "Wesleyanism"
  124. Zeroing out my bank account
  125. Not having the guts to take out student loans to cover all my college expenses, max out every credit card I get an application for, then move to a non-extradition country for the rest of my life
  126. Being like super-pumped
  127. Cocky presidential candidates who don't seem to acknowledge the fact that they could have won by more than 1000 votes out of 250 million had they simply given the country some reason to care about their candidacy
  128. Walking through metal detectors, because then they find the gun I was trying to hide
  129. My lack of the resolve necessary to become a professional drug dealer
  130. Money
  131. When your highly paid mercenaries change sides in the middle of the battle
  132. Being brutally murdered
  133. Bach's Two-Part Invention No. 8
  134. Linux
  135. Windows
  136. Netscape
  137. The person who invented the faucets that stay on for two seconds at a time
  138. The person who keeps dripping other kinds of dressing in the caesar
  139. The person who gets mustard on the handle of the ketchup ladle
  140. Mountain Dew: seriously, it tastes like urine
  141. The fact that HTML doesn't have a double-spacing option, because otherwise I would write every last one of my papers in it. I'm serious.
  142. Stupid little computer games that take up all my time (and it's not even anything cool; it's stuff like Hearts)
  143. Being irresistable to the ladies
  144. That it is not socially acceptable to use the f-word in class at Olivet
  145. Morons who believe that the majority of students at Olivet are Democrats
  146. The fact that we even have to select a new president: the one we have is still pretty young. He has a few more years of wear in him.
  147. People who think the Republican Platform is based solely on the teachings of Sacred Scripture
  148. Staunch Republicans who can't imagine that the ballot in Florida was confusing
  149. Retards who can't figure out how to use a simple ballot
  150. The fact that I'm 20 years old and I still need to get my parents' signature on a permission slip
  151. The moron who scratches out the letters on the instructions for those hand dryers so that it says PRESS BUTT
  152. When it's so freaking cold that it makes me want to hit someone
  153. Constitutional crises
  154. Forgetting to take a shower
  155. The fact that I don't have an easy way to start my own Constitutional crisis
  156. Meddling kids
  157. People who came out of the movie Dogma believing that Alanis Morrisette was actually God
  158. Severe tongue fungus
  159. Dropping the bar on my throat while bench-pressing
  160. You haven't changed much on the site except for the love and hate lists.
  161. The fact that those two lists are much shorter and not as funny as they were before.
  162. Everytime I go to a different page on your site, a tripod membership banner pops up. (Editor's note: If you keep the original one open by simply clicking on the main window, it will stay in the background and will not bother you anymore. I apologize for the inconvenience.)
  163. That I am broke.
  164. That I have been too lazy to go out and get a job.
  165. That I am not dating a beautiful, intelligent woman right now.
  166. That we have not emailed each other this whole year.
  167. JAKES!

The Story of the Hate List

In a time now shrowded in mystery, Andy Kelts sat down in front of a computer with a group of friends and generated a list full of pet peeves and other objects of hatred. This list was 200 items long. Andy welcomed contributions from his friends and acquaintances, and the list eventually grew to close to 1000 items (It might have reached that goal many times over if not for the pruning that occassionally occurred.) There were many enthusiastic haters, but none quite so enthusiastic as me, and so when Andy felt the need to pass the burden of the Hate List on to someone else, he knew where to turn. The Hate List has been mine for over three years now, and as many of you know, it has been the main gimmick of my web page, which would otherwise be very wordy and dull. There came a time when the list became too long and I decided it would be best to seperate each person's list and basically to keep things short. This resulted in lists that were sometimes left online for a grand total of a week, and I perceived that public interest in the hate list had waned, or at least interest in participating. So on November 27, 2000, I decided to return it to the original Kelts model, and I have included a few classic entries from times past. And so in the words of every band teacher in history who has just delivered an awkwardly long and rambling speech on the significance of the upcoming song, "We hope you enjoy...."

My Suggestions for Contribution Format

I sympathize with everyone's desire to know the exact number of things they hate, but I will here confess that I hate dealing with pre-numbered lists. I much prefer to use the HTML tags for numbering, which result in a much cleaner-looking list and don't require hand-numbering of each individual line. In order to assist me in using those HTML tags, I would ask that you do not hand-number your lists, and if at all possible, preface each line in your list with a character that does not occur in any of your hate entries. For instance:

&Lazy web page maintainers

&The rain

If you would do that, that would be great.

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