A Study of Hatred

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The Story of the Hate List
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New entries are blue and bold.

Here's the list:

1. The Pennsylvania Turnpike
2. The worry attendant on not caring as much anymore
3. The thought of having to actually pay my own money for education
4. The relentless discipline necessary to keep up with a subscription to The New Yorker
5. Not taking Lent seriously enough to give my "sacrifice" more than a half effort
6. The continued use of the horrible song "All-Star" by Smashmouth in advertising
7. The effectiveness of Bush's propaganda
8. The sore throat that probably results more from my singing at the top of my lungs for hours in the car than from hanging around with pack-a-day smokers for several days
9. Being unable to verify whether the following are my coinages:
   • "Celibate buddies"
   • "You suck as a person"
10. The fact that it doesn't seem "worth it" to achieve my desires
11. Marriage
12. The thought of what life at Olivet will be like next year
13. The fact that the greatest possible pleasure is martyrdom
14. Not looking closely enough at the application deadline for a full-tuition scholarship
15. My cat's evident depression
16. People who only ever think about whether they're going to get in trouble
17. People who take Ayn Rand really seriously
18. People who buy the lies, and defend them against anyone who will listen
19. Sloppily done liturgy
20. When the person I hate is right
21. Seeing awkward screen names suddenly appear
22. The temptation to be really legalistic about a regulation I set up for myself
23. Losing track of time
24. Driving
25. How my truck stalls at weird times
26. The huge number of unread books I own
27. Noticing how often I repeat myself on this stupid thing
28. Having accepted that war in Iraq is a foregone conclusion
29. Not only the massive death such a war will involve, but also the fact that hypothetical discussion of said war has cut off anything like rational discussion of domestic policy for at least six months
30. People who think that income inequality needs to get higher and higher, for the sake of the economy
31. The economy
32. Finding out that Robb didn't just make up every one of his hilarious and brilliant away messages off the top of his head every morning
33. The state of Illinois
34. Sweeping
35. Never being able to get it all into the dustpan
36. Cats who are a little too pushy -- I need my space
37. The fact that when someone seems disappointed or under considerable stress, I always assume it's my fault
38. My abiding belief in "works righteousness"
39. God's apparent hatred of me
40. Persecution complexes
41. Doing the same stupid things over and over
42. The fact that Andrew Sullivan still hasn't written me back
43. The fact that Andrew Sullivan is infinitely more likely to write me back than Slavoj Zizek is
44. The fact that a friend of mine thinks that an English major who annoys all her friends by talking too much about some stupid philosopher she likes would be a perfect fit for me
45. The fact that if Clinton were in office, basically the same stupid foreign policy stuff would be going on, but it would be better packaged
46. The wind around here
47. The fact that literally everyone around here says at some point, "You know, it wouldn't be bad if it weren't for the wind"
48. Writing and publishing something stupid, then forcing it on everyone who will read it
49. Living in Bourbonnais
50. Being ultra-conservative in practice, no matter what political ideology I happen to espouse at a given moment
51. Wanting to have someplace I could feel like I "fit," yet knowing I would resent it if I found it
52. The Vatican's steadfast refusal to remove adultery from the list of mortal sins
53. Media Whores Online
54. Okay, yeah: Andrew Sullivan
55. My computer's bad habit of getting slower and slower every day
56. Being regarded as somehow "wise"
57. Basically, interacting with others
58. My inability to break my self-imposed prohibition on web-based profanity
59. The word "therefrom"
60. Asking a question I know the person cannot answer honestly
61. People whose last names include a reference to a breath-freshening herb or any other kind of food
62. When people leave town shortly after I come to fully appreciate them
63. Knowing that the quality of my hatred decreases significantly as I try to add more and more so as to make it seem like it's "worth it"
64. Freaking long Hate lists that after you read you think to your self, "That was a pointless and utter waste of my time while I'm sitting here at work. There is a minuscule chance that I could have been doing something 'productive'. But noooo. I had to sift through this pile of pessimism and hope to get a chuckle out of it."
65. Hoping that the powers that be will put your post on their website so that when you fill out applications that ask if you have been published in the last 5 years you can say 'yes' without having to cross your fingers
66. Icy roads
67. When I ask my girlfriend 'what's wrong?' and then she retorts with a quip 'Nothing, I'm fine!'. Then I ask her why she is mad and she yells "I'm not mad, I'm fine!!" and then gives me that, 'I'm going to gouge out your eyeballs with my newly manicured nails' look
68. Always being afraid that the bank that I work at is going to get robbed by the scary looking guy that just walked through the door and then directed his gaze around the entire office for about 2 minutes, committing every camera and its recording area to memory
69. Not being able to understand/interact with Spanish speaking individuals
70. The fact that I secretly hope to win the lottery some day
71. That I'm joining the military as a Chaplain but don't have the guts to make it a widely known fact, even to some of my closer friends because I'm afraid of what they will think of me and my 'theology'
72. The fact that every once in a while I'll just remember how insecure I really am about, pretty much everything.
73. Doing dishes. Period.
74. The Fact that I alone am responsible for my fish, Frank, dying because I accidentally left in my car over night and he froze to the bottom of his bowl
75. AT&T Broadband's idea of "customer service," which puts Kafka to shame
76. Having to act like I still like someone
77. Feeling guilty for thinking certain thoughts that I know I'd never act on
78. Feeling like I'm somehow letting my professor down
79. The difficulty we've been having with the Internet
80. Apartment life
81. Suburban apartments are what I'm talking about, pretty much
82. Billy Corgan's a capella sections
83. Dave Belcher got the new Zwan CD before me
84. The fact that I often find myself genuinely upset with other philosophers for not being Zizek
85. The fact that working full time is considerably cutting into my reading schedule
86. Going back to work after having a day off
87. Not being able to justify going back to substitute teaching right now
88. The subsequent lack of "good scenery" in my life due to not hanging out in high schools all the time
89. The following turns of phrase:
    • To find (person) attractive
    • To think (person) is hot
90. Richard won't get two cats because he's afraid Tara's going to steal one of them
91. When people don't realize that I'm completely serious when I tell them to do what they want, because it's really hard to follow that advice
92. Petty employees who constantly excuse their lack of good service by claiming they're just trying to "cover their ass" and avoid getting in trouble with the boss -- yeah, well, you're more likely to get in trouble for losing a customer than for holding firm to some ridiculous bureaucratic rule that will change in a couple months anyway, you piece of crap!
93. The fact that my writing and speaking style makes short, pithy insults impossible
94. When a window of hope is unceremoniously closed
95. The virtual impossibility of talking to a "real person" when calling a large corporation
96. I'm no economist, but it seems like it would be good for the economy if companies would hire more people to staff their phone centers, even if it did make them "less profitable" -- guess what: even if you're "less profitable" than the year before, you're still coming out ahead, you're still doing better than breaking even. Why does ever-increasing profitability have to be the goal?
97. Not having gotten a degree in economics
98. When people think it adds something to the conversation to point out the banal, stupid fact that our government was meant to be a "representative republic, not a democracy" -- if people hadn't noticed, by this time, "democracy" is considered completely synonymous with "representative republic," and absolutely no one really believes in unrestrained mob rule
99. The fact that most people really don't know what they are supposed to know
100. Boil orders
101. Not being able to have my morning cup of coffee because of a boil order
102. Knowing that if I worked somewhere else, in a larger city I wouldn't have to ever deal with a boil order
103. Moving
104. Being so addicted to the internet that it really really bothered me when I found out I wouldn't be able to use it until Tuesday at my new place
105. The dirty slob I have become
106. How I sleep in later every morning
107. Snow
108. Unplowed roads in the small town mentioned above
109. The fact that I typed 'roades' and almost left it out of sheer laziness
110. Hookers that carry diseases
111. Finding the graduated life to not be near as boring as I expected.
112. Having to sit around at home for nearly three months because seminary uses the quarter system.
113. Putting my name in at thirteen schools in Genesee County, and still getting called to sub less than one third of the time.
114. Knowing that if I was still in Ann Arbor, I'd probably be getting twice as many calls with only 1/13 of the hassle.
115. The fact that I, the substitute teacher for one day, care more about how much the class learns than the whole class put together.
116. Despite being a graduate, the constant need to practice my clarinet and go through me Greek and Hebrew flashcards, lest I lose the skills.
117. Not knowing where the happy medium between being the bossy, big brother and the loving, motivating brother exists.
118. Thinking I'm committed to not returning to my old summer job for a fifth year, only to find that it is too good to resist.
119. That after four years, someone with higher seniority than me is still finding our summer job irresistible too.
120. Having the desire that my friends would not return to work the next year, so that I can take over their position.
121. Being dumb enough to let the girl I could have married now get away, without even hardly caring at the time.
122. When my mind gets stuck on thinking about girls, because it is depressing to realize that I won't get married for at least a couple more years.
123. Being told that I have an interview scheduled without having any input as to what would be a good date.
124. When interviews are designed to pull out every weakness you have.
125. Finding that the gas was actually cheaper in Michigan than in Indiana for a change, after crossing the border.
126. Knowing that a poorly designed computer program has actually been running me for several months now
127. People who use "modern" as a swear word
128. The word "individualistic"
129. Myself, for shaving off my goatee
130. The fact that I actually looked this stupid my whole life, but didn't realize it
131. Being overly dramatic
132. Having chapped lips
133. Literally being allergic to my workplace
134. Interrupting the asshole doctor whose first acknowledgement of me as an actual person, instead of an annoyance, was to point out that I shouldn't have shaved off my goatee
135. The thought of substituting in the fourth grade in Kankakee ever again
136. The incredible pettiness of school-age children
137. The fact that we never, never learn
138. Driving long distances
139. Not being able to sleep in anywhere but in Davison
140. The word "hours" as it is used in connection with work
141. The fact that my elementary-age cousins did not recognize me when they first saw me this Christmas
142. Being called sexually repressed
143. The belief that my denial of my sexual repression is yet another proof of its existence
144. The 31 books I just counted today that I own and have not read
145. The ridiculous thickness of about a quarter of those books
146. Myself, for ever thinking I would read Frazer's Golden Bough
147. The fact that I can either think or be, but not both at once
148. The fact that apparently people spontaneously think of me as somehow "British" in my disposition. I mean, what is it about me?
     • My matter-of-factness?
     • My clear, cogent writing style?
     • The enduring relevance of my most pressing concerns?
     • The fact that I plainly think myself superior to everyone else?
     • The fact that I like bitter foods?
     • My bad teeth?
     • My conservative style of dress?
     • My natural affinity for bitterly cold wind and rain?
     • My nostalgia for the past, which causes me to hold onto its empty form?
     • My support for a state church?
     • My intense desire to stand in line for two weeks in a state-sponsored health care system?
     • My advocacy of high sales taxes?
     • My flair for boring decoration?
     • My enthusiastic bearing of the white man's burden?
     • My thinly veiled contempt for Germans?
149. The amount of time I spend talking on Instant Messenger
150. My preference for words over action
151. The fact that some British professor has accused Milton of advocating terrorism in Samson Agonistes without mentioning the fact that the story originally comes from the Bible
152. When people italicize the title The Bible, as if it's just any old book, and just to keep me from looking like a phallogo-ethnocentrist, I would say the same for the Koran or the Bagavad Gita
153. The spelling "Qu'ran" or however it goes. If we're going to anglicize words, we might as well do it as brutally as possible
154. How incredibly good the new Pulp album is
155. The fact that emotions have no relationship whatsoever to reality
156. Being disgusted when I witness the natural consequences of someone living according to my professed opinions
157. Spending over $50 on groceries and having not an ounce of healthy food in the entire cart
158. The natural conservative invincibility to the following:
     • Logic
     • Coherent argument
     • Morality
     • Irony
159. The incredible brightness of a snow-filled landscape
160. The inadequacy of the average high school education
161. The fact that I didn't know how good my high school was because I assumed that anything I could succeed in must be horribly mediocre
162. Samuel Johnson
163. The thought of literally beating "the crap" out of someone
164. When white people don't understand that the whole point of the ridiculous names that black people have been giving their children is precisely to send out a big "Screw you" to society at large
165. The eminent quotability of Henry David Thoreau
166. The fact that any subversive movement will inevitably "sell out"
167. The fact that I can write 2000 word essays for no reason at all and probably produce that much each day in online discussion forums, but I can't bring myself to buckle down and get an actual assigned paper out of the way
168. When Richard hides his scissors and I have to buy my own pair
169. The fact that the high-end pair of scissors at Jewel cost over $10. How could a pair of freaking scissors be worth over $10?
170. The ridiculously messy HTML that Microsoft Word produces when I save a document as a web page
171. The fact that one of my coworkers could not believe that I produce my web page by hand (Confession: Just because I'm lazy, I saved the edited version of "On Being Unbiased" as a web page after writing it in Word because I didn't feel like going through and replacing all the dashes with double dashes and adding paragraph tags and italics. Other than that, though, this is entirely produced in a plain old text editor. It shows.)
172. Right-wing obscurantists and new age sophists
173. The smugness of rich Christians and their imperviousness to the plain meaning of many passages from the gospels
174. The fact that Christianity is now one culture among others
175. Thoughtless comments about what is and is not "the government's job"
176. Indiana -- and you thought Illinois sucked!
177. The computer at work has an error message reserved for those occasions when I move too fast for it
178. The thought of what eating two grilled cheese sandwiches and an overfull bowl of ice cream every day for lunch must be doing to my body
179. The restrictions on word order in the English language: I think I'm ready to move up to the next level and start speaking German
180. Weddings
181. Weddings
182. Weddings
183. Banquets
184. Weddings
185. The fact that when Nazarene pastors administer communion, they can't just do it in a straightforward manner. No, they have to make it into their own personalized little thing with little parenthetical explanations and sermonettes. Nowhere else is the need for ministers to read off a piece of paper better illustrated
186. Suburban architecture
187. My shortening attention span
188. Unintentional double entendres
189. Working close to forty hours a week at a job where they actually expect me to be working most of the time
190. Not being able to surf the Internet at work, like every other office drone -- because if there's one thing I need, it's to surf the Internet more
191. I hate myself for having completely assimilated the idiotic phrase "surf the Internet" and using it without so much as a second thought. If I don't keep fighting the good fight for the English language, who will replace William Safire when he dies?
192. The fact that like one of you got the William Safire reference
193. The resentment underlying my left-wing political opinions
194. The fact that even the most brilliant people in the 19th century were also so painfully stupid on key points, and the fact that we'll seem to be the exact same way
195. My habit of getting into loud shouting matches with the radio
196. The band Three Doors Down
197. The word "senioritis"
198. People who try to appear "deep" by making throwaway references to quantum physics
199. When I ask for advice, and what the person tells me isn't what I already had in mind
200. Finding someone sleeping in my bathroom on a Sunday morning
201. Having committed myself to going to the 9:00 mass indefinitely
202. My disproportionate reliance on instant messenger to maintain relationships
203. Not realistically being able to push the hate list over the 1000 mark this time
204. When people don't understand that I actually wanted to get beaten up, even if I didn't know I wanted it beforehand
205. Wanting to say inappropriate things to inappropriate people
206. The fact that my writing was better a few months ago
207. Writing the same stupid essay over and over and over
208. Having to write a major theological paper at some point
209. The flooded sub market
210. The fact that the sub calling people don't apologize after not having called me for five days in a row
211. The word "Wow"
212. Having to turn on my headlights at 3:00 PM
213. lifting weights.
214. pretending that I like sports, or at the very least am marginally interested in them.
215. the fact that as soon as I start having feelings for a girl, I have something to loose.
216. the fact that most of the world I live in exists in my head.
217. having a self-image.
218. those ridiculous patriotic AIM formats.
219. that things change.
220. that things don't change fast enough.
221. my lack of empathy.
222. Trevecca Nazarene University and the fact my best friend chose it over Olivet.
223. Not just Adam Kotsko's taste in music, but the fact that he thinks his taste is somehow justified
224. The fact that Adam Kotsko has read so much ethical philosophy but still demonizes people like James Dobson and GW Bush
225. Application fees
226. Making an entire pot of coffee and being unable to "space it out" appropriately
227. The fact that teachers always essentially ask me to be as big a prick as possible to their students
228. Gross old teachers who tell attractive young girls inappropriate things about their appearance
229. The fact that these are apparently always science teachers
230. And therefore, the fact that nerds only feel comfortable talking to women in lopsided power relationships
231. The apparent requirement that all intellectuals should take a long piss on Descartes's grave
232. And then take a crap on Kant's
233. And then wipe with a page out of Hegel
234. Yes, I just did one of those "building sequences" that I claim to hate further down: hypocrisy
235. The fact that every hour, the class demands that I turn up the volume on the video, even though it was plenty loud enough for the previous class, so that at the end of the day, it's nearly deafening
236. Not being able to fit a pillow into my bookbag
237. The fact that I'm led to believe it's a bad sign that students are excited to see me
238. My inability to react appropriately to the student who virtually tackles me every time he sees me
239. The fact that this student is not a girl
240. Catching myself flagrantly "checking out" a high school girl who has stopped to talk to me in the hallway
241. The fact that that particular girl is not about four years older and an English major, because: man
242. The movie Biodome
243. Having no idea what I actually want and not having the guts to just make something up and run with it
244. Having no claim to moral or intellectual authority aside from my willingness to tell people about my stupid ideas at great length
245. When people in discussion-based classes pad their questions with meaningless qualifications ("I mean, I'm not asking if...", "Because, like...")
246. Feminist guilt trips
247. The fact that most feminist guilt trips are caused not by the actual feminist at hand, but by my twisted internalized guilt structures
248. The burden of being so fascinating and attractive
249. That previous one might warrant some explanation:
     • Normally, one uses "so" in sentences like that to refer to a previous explanation of, for example, exactly how fascinating and attractive I am
     • Thus the appropriate use would be something like: "I am only marginally fascinating and attractive only to a very sick class of girls. It is a burden being so fascinating and attractive." That is, it is a burden being as fascinating and attractive as I have described myself to be.
     • Strictly speaking, therefore, if I use "so" without a referent, I end up saying basically, "It is a burden being as fascinating and attractive as I am," without making an explicit statement about the degree of my fascinatingness and attractiveness
     • So if you thought I was being arrogant, you're just showing your own insecurities about how un-fascinating and unattractive you are, a mistake you wouldn't have made if you had my overtowering knowledge of grammar
     • (If you liked that nonsense, check out my upcoming book, How to Use Fake Grammar for Rationalization Purposes, published by Oxford University Press!)
250. The fact that virtually every search string turns up hard-core porn results in KaZaA
251. Hard-core porn: I'm glad that I never conditioned myself to find it anything but really disgusting and weird. Thank you, slow modems.
252. Burning my cardboard pizza because the timer wasn't loud enough
253. Not getting called to sub
254. Not working every day
255. The way I overreact every time I have a day off, as if it's the end of the world and I'll never get any money again, ever
256. Ridiculous rock singers who pronounce "tourniquet" as "tourni-kay"
257. Taking everything personally, literally everything
258. My overuse of the following adverbs:
     • Literally
     • Actually
259. When people assume that I'm writing about them -- I only ever write about me. This is my web page, not yours.
260. When I write brilliant, self-evidently true advice that I myself cannot follow
261. The fact that we are not going to do as well as our parents did
262. When people don't realize that stupid moral rules are nothing more than stupid moral rules
263. The fact that anyone would ever say, without qualification, "War is good"
264. When blue collar workers are staunch Republicans, despite the fact that the only reason they have the kind of lifestyle that allows them to form political opinions is because they belong to a labor union
265. The lies that we are all complicit with
266. The hastle of avoiding someone
267. Teaching demon-possessed third graders
268. The fact that substitute teaching, far from lowering my biases and stereotypes, has actually increased them
269. When someone who fired me because he didn't like me acts like he's never been happier to see anyone in his life
270. Knowing that telling someone he's messing up is only going to make him more sure of himself (it works for girls, too)
271. Two complementary facts:
     • Using gender-inclusive language is always annoying and inelegant
     • I can't convince myself that it's a problem I can just ignore
272. Outlining
273. Writing second drafts
274. Losing at Jeopardy against an arrogant bastard -- those who have lost at Jeopardy against me probably know what it's like
275. Doing just plain old, straight-up theology without reference to something at least a little cool
276. The difference between the sexes
277. Writing critical papers
278. Doing schoolwork
279. Having to do particular reading by a particular time
280. Having to discuss with a bunch of people who are trying really hard to get their discussion points
281. Having to sit through the stupid concerns they're dealing with, when I'm so far beyond them
282. When people preface what they say with the obligatory, "I'm not an expert by any means"
283. When people can only discuss theology within the framework of what some straw-man Sunday School teacher supposedly taught them
284. The whole thing -- literally, the whole thing
285. Motivations
286. The "coverage" of the sniper shooting last night: "We're on the scene, and we still know absolutely nothing."
287. Running into old friends who aren't really old friends but probably want to think they are
288. Having watched Magnolia for the twentieth time and having to revise my interpretation of it again
289. My overtowering laziness
290. Never amounting to anything
291. How early I have to wake up to sub
292. Subbing in elementary school
293. Finding inappropriate people attractive
294. The fact that Olivet is now like a foreign country to me
295. The thought of ever spending another Friday night in the dorms
296. Losing weight by inadvertantly being on the Atkins Diet
297. Being told by two people, one male and one female, that I look like I've lost weight
298. When one of the people says that my butt is what gave it away, and it isn't the girl
299. Being neurotic
300. All the characters on Seinfeld
301. All the characters on Garfield
302. Serial killer movies
303. Any movie that uses the systematic abuse of women as a plot device
304. Any movie that uses the destruction of the major part of Baltimore by a primitive nuclear bomb as a plot device
305. Tom Clancy, in general
306. Authors who produce a novel every six months
307. The fact that nothing is considered worthwhile in America unless it's absolutely huge
308. The term "superstar"
309. Celebrity interviews
310. When it gets dark so stupidly early
311. Bracing myself for the bitter cold of winter in Bourbonnais
312. The fact that there are only about six last names in use in Bourbonnais
313. The ethical system in which you just do whatever sucks the most
314. When common sense advice doesn't help
315. The fact that I don't have a cult following to help propagate my philosophical maxims:
     • God's will is no excuse
     • There's no such thing as the right thing to do
     • Oh dear! Somebody shat in the garden!
316. The fact that no one pays as much attention to me as I seem to think they do
317. Playing Snood to excess
318. Spending hours playing computer games that I already finished six years ago
319. The facts that most sport fans know enough about their area of interest to have earned a PhD
320. The fact that the pelicans are always "temporarily off exhibit"
321. People who don't IM me back
322. The fact that if I got all my friends together in one room, they'd inevitably all kill each other -- is that a sign that I'm a good guy who's forgiving of people's faults, or that I'm too spineless to risk anyone ever getting mad at me? Or do they both come down to the same thing?
323. People who think that Christianity should be all about helping the powerful oppressors of the world
324. The fact that there is only a right wing in America
325. The fact that anyone reads USA Today
326. Not being able to watch any TV show other than the Simpsons anymore
327. When friends move away
328. Missed opportunities on a massive scale
329. "Don't give me what I ask of you, because that's not it"
330. The Reformation
331. When people don't realize that they're worshipping the Bible
332. "The family"
333. Already having run out of bookshelf space
334. Miscalculating
335. Mice that are not integrated into the keyboard
336. The fact that no one's ever up to the task of getting used to something new
337. The fact that when I told a group of friends about my dad's personality traits, everything suddenly became clear to them
338. The tedious legwork associated with admitting you were wrong
339. Being a conservative who thinks he's open minded
340. The incredible pettiness of public school students
341. When someone's "argument" consists of saying the same thing in response to every point I raise
342. People who refuse to acknowledge that they have a double standard
343. Not the fact that Christianity is the only option that makes sense to me, but that there are so many options that make sense
344. "... but what I hate, that I do."
345. Thinking I have to crap, but it's a false alarm
346. People who don't realize that they've never, ever ventured outside a very narrow set of ideas
347. Having a job where I am expected to fail at everything, every time
348. Not knowing enough about cars to be able to tell when the oil change people are ripping me off
349. Touchless car washes
350. The complete lack of "traditional" human-staffed car-washes in the greater Bourbonnais area (Bourbonnaisland?)
351. When my habit of "jokingly" pronouncing Bourbonnais as "Burbonus" catches up with me in serious situations
352. The fact that Christianity is nonsense, especially Catholicism
353. The Pledge of Allegiance, especially for high schoolers
354. The fact that the Pledge doesn't end with "amen"
355. The fact that no matter what George Bush decides to do, millions of people are going to die for no particular reason
356. Putting other people's entries up on the Hate List
357. My overwhelming narcissism
358. The whole thing that's going on in the world right now
359. The fact that Republicans are supposedly the ones who are good at foreign policy
360. The fact that if Colin Powell ran for president, he would end up letting us down, too
361. The fact that being "Christian" and being "American" are effectively the same thing for so many people
362. How little I really know
363. The fear
364. Subbing for a class full of people who don't care that I even exist
365. Any subbing situation other than one incorporating the following elements:
     • Honors classes every hour
     • Two planning periods
     • A movie to show the students
     • Free lunch
366. Getting paid less frequently than weekly
367. Having been spoiled by the fact that Manpower sends out paychecks as quickly as possible, often by Tuesday the next week, because they realize that in a job where you aren't a permanent employee and have to rely on getting called in at random, maybe you actually need money right now. I mean, seriously.
368. Magazine articles about particular generations
369. Most magazine articles from publications other than the following: Harper's, The New Yorker, and The Economist
370. The idiotic puns and cliches magazine writers use in creating titles
371. The remarkable fact that people think the media has a liberal bias when in reality nearly every media outlet with the possible exception of some stupid blog written by a lonely Pavement fan in Iowa is completely sold out to unbridled corporate power
372. The fact that everyone in the world keeps saying the same stupid things over and over
373. My life isn't as hard as I make it out to be.
374. The continuing challenge of coming up with new and unpredictable things to hate
375. The flies
376. Missing out
377. Debates on any of the following topics:
     • Going to heaven vs. drinking
     • Creationism vs. godless atheism
     • Common sense vs. feminism
     • Strong American values vs. allowing non-English-speakers to function in sociey
     • Okay, I really don't have many of these kinds of debates anymore, but that's probably for lack of trying
378. Knowing what I should do
379. Being self-righteously unrighteous
380. Rapid, violent mood swings
381. The fact that a chiropractor is the only solution to the problems that a chiropractor seems to have caused
382. The fact that the only thing being discussed in the media right now other than Iraq is the very small number of children who get abducted, while actual issues that affect everyone's daily life and could actually make life better for people around the world get virtually no treatment at all
383. The fact that people assume that the government is always going to do a crappy job compared to the private sector
384. The private sector
385. Is the word "sector" ever even used outside the phrase "private sector"? I don't think you ever really hear "public sector" that often
386. The feeling that nothing is ever going to change
387. The fact that the longer I work at this same job, the more I'm tempted to tell stupid stories about my stupid job
388. Being called upon to tattle on someone
389. The fact that I'm the only person in the entire world who ever takes care of his laundry in a reasonable amount of time
390. The fact that I consistently fail to live up to any of my stated beliefs
391. People who think obvious movie quotations are really the way to go:
     • "We are the nights who say, Neep!"
     • Anything else from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. I sometimes wish that stupid movie was never made, just so all the people who decided to memorize it in its entirety would be forced to develop an actual sense of humor on their own
     • "She is a thief, you've got to belief..."
     • "I see dead people."
392. When people don't know how to take something I say
393. The early stages of carpal tunnel syndrome
394. Having just learned that the man I allowed to jerk my neck around in a violent manner has a book he could loan me about how to get around paying taxes without getting in trouble
395. Going through days when I'm sure everyone must hate me, or if they don't, they just aren't looking closely enough
396. My inability to wake up in the morning
397. My choice of a job that will require me to wake up even earlier in the morning than I already do
398. Working until 5:00
399. Working at all
400. Not getting enough exercise
401. The incredibly loud crickets that take over my entire neighborhood every night
402. Not being a full-time student
403. The very thought of paying for health insurance
404. The very thought of having my appendix burst when I don't have health insurance
405. My incredible fatigue right now
406. The sickening feeling that I'm allowing myself to be led astray by a chiropractor
407. The even more sickening feeling that he really, really believes that he is not leading me astray
408. My completely physical inflexibility: I can't touch my toes. I can barely move my arms, in fact. They're frozen in the "above the keyboard" position.
409. How one of the girls at work sounds deeply personally offended every time she opens her mouth: "I have to go to the store after work today [indignant]"
410. The fact that people still believe that Bill Clinton has a corner on political dishonesty
411. The fact that we seem to be moving inexorably toward a costly "land war in Asia" (bonus if you know what movie I'm referring to here)
412. Movies that try too hard to be really, really deep
413. When the movies above have long philosophical monologues at the end to explain why they're so damned deep
414. The fact that the "making a lot of money" game is one that I can't interest myself in at the moment
415. The fact that I cannot deny how incredibly cool it would be to be able to buy anything I wanted
416. The term "wealth management"
417. All the stupid roundabout ways of saying things that people have come up with in the last ten years or so
418. When I hate really uncreative things
419. The fact that the titles of magazine articles always have to be "clever" in some shallow way, usually employing a pun combined with a literary or pop culture reference, though often also alliterative
420. My lack of health insurance, a savings account, and all the other usual accoutrements of adulthood
421. When friendships get to the point where all conversations are about how long it's been since we've seen each other and how much we really should hang out more
422. People whose enjoyment of certain kinds of music is entirely based on the feelings of superiority to which their music taste entitles them
423. Not knowing which John is which in They Might Be Giants
424. The fact that everything I read last summer has taken a full year to really hit me
425. The fact that I have never known what is going on
426. When people point out my agenda
427. People who are ridiculous about getting good parking spots
428. The fact that I wonder if the hate list will even be possible for me to maintain much longer
429. The fact that the vast majority of multi-millionaire CEOs are apparently idiots who can't even keep track of the broadest trends in their organizations, while I am actually a smart person who is earning only $8 an hour and has no power or influence at all
430. Just for good measure: earning only $8 an hour
431. Those machines by the side of the road that measure your speed, and even more, the fact that people actually slow down for them
432. The unrealistically slow speed limits throughout Kankakee County
433. The fact that Kankakee County is so small and boring that there aren't even any quirky, interesting-looking people in the local warehouse bookstore/coffee shop
434. The fact that there aren't any good record stores nearby
435. Being a hypocrite
436. The people outside my window talking and having fun
437. The relatively small number of attractive young women who seek chiropractic care
438. Office politics
439. My seeming inability to radically change my behavior to fit my supposed ideals
440. My remaining childishness
441. The fact that I have to do all kinds of stupid computer stuff in order to have this web page
442. The fact that the easiest (perhaps the only) way to learn something is what is usually termed "the hard way"
443. My inability to teleport myself to Oxford for a day here and there. I guess the time zone thing would make it hard to coordinate anyway, so no big loss.
444. Lenny Kravitz
445. Country music
446. My desire to indulge in consumer spending for no reason
447. Today I read about some report that said that the current level of human consumption will only be sustainable for about fifty more years, at which point we either need to make radical change or start colonizing other planets. In many circles, this report will be taken to mean that we should change absolutely nothing about our lives at all, since it is too "alarmist" to be true.
448. I guess there never really is a good reason for consumer spending. That's kind of the point.
449. Consciously wasting my time
450. Losing at spades
451. Being in control of the situation
452. Hearing people explain their behavior in completely incomprehensible ways
453. The fact that I can't just take a pill that will make me already have read the many, many books I own that I have not yet so much as opened
454. The fact that something is changing in my life that is pointing my complaints in a completely different direction and I don't know what it is
455. Did I already put Newsweek on here?
456. Most of the American newsmedia
457. The word "media"
458. The fact that the words "media" and "data" are supposed to be plural, but it sounds ridiculous to use them like that: "The media are reporting that signicant data point to..."
459. When companies put two words together without a space between them and capitalize the second word anyway
460. The ads on Salon that take over the whole page for a few seconds
461. Pop-up ads with soundtracks
462. I do actually wish that more ads would just be embedded into the page itself, because no one likes pop-ups, ever
463. Web pages with frames
464. Enhanced CDs
465. People who only ever have negative things to say
466. Having a million channels doesn't necessarily make TV any more interesting than back in the day when I only had five that came in
467. When it is revealed that I am not that great at spades
468. Being another casualty of society
469. "Mature" women who insist on constantly wearing low-cut shirts
470. Adults who are still tattle tales
471. Not having a "cool" job
472. Having an "uncool" job where I can't sit and read the newspaper
473. The thought of another year of this
474. My overtowering arrogance, which only grows with each passing day
475. When really old and obvious information is presented as though it is big news (i.e., the Newsweek cover story this week about how people like to use eBay)
476. American newsweeklies
477. Computer programs that spontaneously decide to drop random characters from what I'm typing
478. The fact that after a certain point, I start to think of the computer program as something that can decide to act in a certain way and is consciously setting out to make me angry
479. The fact that everything is not nearly as simple as it was in high school
480. Being raised in an environment in which one was led to feel guilty for not being absolutely certain about everything by age 14: "Go ahead and question, so long as you come up with the same answers we've always taught you!"
481. The fact that my new-found "freedom" means that all the memories from before Olivet that I've been keeping in cold storage are now surfacing, forcing me to try to make some kind of sense of my life up to this point
482. Not having the courage to move really far away
483. The fact that instead of sharing the wealth my English-major education has left me with, I just assume that people wouldn't want to make the effort to discover something new or worthwhile
484. Starting an excessive number of hate list entries with "The fact that"
485. Although I've never explicitly stated it, grammatically, this list follows the assumption that every entry is preceded by "I hate...." That doesn't have to be the case, though. I could put a whole paragraph in one of these entries, and who would stop me?
486. WA!
487. For probably the millionth time, people who laugh after virtually everything they say: "Good morning, ha ha ha..."
488. Not just the annoying habit, but the actual person
489. People who don't realize that they're ultra-conservative
490. Tom Clancy
491. Gun advocates who come up with a ridiculous situation where someone is killed with a common household item and says, "So are we going to outlaw TV remote controls now?" and think that that is not only a valid analogy, but also really funny
492. The fact that certain people don't realize that guns were actually designed in order to kill people, so that they aren't comparable to other things that just happen to kill people in some unfortunate accident
493. Yes, I realize they are used for hunting, too
494. Watching a good friend act like a complete pansy
495. My current overuse of italics
496. When a computer is so slow that I could probably do it faster by hand (meaning move the little bits of silicon around)
497. People who laugh at themselves for constantly complaining about their jobs
498. Any food other than hot dogs or peanut butter sandwiches
499. Having a constant cough without the fun of actually smoking
500. Wassily Kandinsky
501. Renaissance art
502. The fact that the only complaint people ever lodge against the French postmodernists is that their prose style is overly complicated -- sure, it is, but let's be serious, guys
503. Arrogant reviewers on Amazon who think they're going to take down Radiohead by expressing their opinion that they're not all they're cracked up to be, so go listen to Aphex Twin instead or something
504. People who make lists on Amazon without adding their "witty" comments
505. Myself, for spending so much time browsing on Amazon
506. When people say they see themselves in the hate list -- it's actually entirely about me, guys
507. No longer being able to do the "bizarre, unrealistic situation" hate list entries, such as these:
     • Being gored by a mountain goat
     • The fact that my roommate thought it would be funny to break all his beer bottles right next to my bed while I was asleep
     • Not realizing until afterward that you're supposed to slide down the bannister side-saddle
     • Having a pimple on my lip -- no, wait. That's actually happening to me right now
508. People who immediately judge things based on whether they agree with them or not
509. The category of "agreement" in general (in most contexts)
510. The absense of hope in the world
511. The slippery slope "argument"
512. The fact that bands that sound like they're from the 70s are supposedly the coolest thing ever
513. The significant anxiety attendant upon seriously graduating and moving away from home on a permanent basis
514. When really smart people say the same damned thing over and over
515. The fact that I just got done grading several really bad freshman papers and I don't hate the world: usually that would be just the thing, but I really doubt anyone wants to read about how much I hate comma splices or improper use of documentation techniques
516. Being unable to complain
517. Talking about theology lately: I want to just abdicate my throne of "Arch Anti-Fundamentalist" and refer people to the Catechism when they want to know my religious opinions, because the opinions in there are as good as any
518. Knowing that the only option that ultimately makes sense for me is going to graduate school at some level, so I can't really make the kind of commitment I feel is necessary to get a high-paying job
519. The fact that my personality is such that I'm going to either worry constantly about money and other little nonsense or else I'm going to have to put in an absurd amount of effort into training myself not to
520. My own narrow-minded bias against narrow-minded biased people
521. The fact that political debate is currently carried out on the level of sound bites and bald-faced lies and that anyone who wants to get something meaningful done has to swallow his pride and learn to play that game better than anyone else
522. Coughing chronically
523. Waking up and finding that I've lost the ability to breathe
524. People who breath instead of breathe and who go out with they're friends and analyze cause and affect relationships, etc., etc.
525. When girls write me cryptic e-mails and I don't know whether a response is expected or appropriate or not
526. Even more: when girls don't write me e-mails of any kind
527. The fact that I'm so sick of hearing about the massive social changes that took place in the 1960s that I'd prefer to hear someone lie to me and say that nothing really changed at all, just for a change of pace
528. Being motivated almost exclusively by personal annoyance, in every level of my life
529. The social consequences of my deep-seated drive to correct other people's opinions, even when they "agree with me"
530. The temptation to keep another stupid list of books
531. The appalling loss of the whole old Hate List: I could be a web legend by now if I'd kept the whole thing and added to it
532. How Tripod decided to add yet another pop-up window without telling me about it
533. The stupid X-Cam that is advertised by literally every web site on earth
534. By corollary: the Orbitz service, whatever it is (travel? I guess their ads aren't very effective)
535. Bland food
536. Really, really rich chocolate
537. The thought of all the hours I've spent sitting in front of a computer, writing down things I hate
538. The start-up costs associated with being an adult
539. Mass-market paperbacks (including those crappy Signet Classics)
540. Any book where the words are perilously close to the binding, so that I practically have to break the binding if I don't want to guess at what the last word of each line is
541. That one song that's out on rock radio right now that sounds just like all the other songs
542. The fact that I didn't write the Pavement song that begins with the phrase: "There is no castration fear"
543. The fact that I do not yet rule the world
544. I think I actually do hate the feeling of contentment I'm experiencing right now; it's like I'm selling out or something
545. The fact that I'd feel like a snob if I didn't pad my speech with nonsense such as "or something" or "or whatever" or even "like"
546. The fact that the schoolmarms have convinced us all that even though it might be correct to say, "My sister and I," it's not half as cool as saying, "My sister and me"
547. The fact that political conservatives, by and large, have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say; if there's going to be a conservative side to the debate, there might as well be some intelligent people up front on that side, just to make it more interesting
548. The "humor" of writing hate list entries that build on the previous one:
     • Bears
     • Polar bears
     • The polar bear chewing on my left leg
     • The three other polar bears chewing on my other limbs
     • My mom, for thinking four hungry polar bears would make a good graduation present
     Yeah, hardy-har-har.
549. The fact that it would be a cop-out to say, "My tendency to alienate my fellow hate list contributors"
550. Penguin Classics: they're disproportionately expensive, they fall apart at the drop of a hat, they're ugly, and they're the only game in town for a lot of books
551. Books with endnotes, especially when they don't indicate that there are endnotes on a given page
552. The fact that today I turned down free coffee at the coffee shop
553. Missing any opportunity to "damn the Man"
554. Really short bangs
555. People who were in band in high school for the "community" instead of for the "instruments"
556. Any kind of prolonged hunger
557. Never having the apartment to myself because of my aggressively anti-social roommates
558. The never-changing philosophy section at Barnes and Noble: are they trying to starve out the five people in Bourbonnais who would actually consider buying philosophy?
559. The selection at "wharehouse book stores" in general: 500 of the author's latest book, two or three obscure books of his that no one will ever buy, and the complete absense of any of the books that a rational human being with any kind of knowledge of the author would make sure were constantly in stock
560. [Hopefully this isn't a "building humor" sequence] The fact that the wharehouse book stores are the only game in town aside from the always abyssmal mall book stores; in fact, it just occurred to me that the wharehouse book stores are generally like the mall book stores, only a lot bigger
561. The fact that I will no longer have access to Olivet's library from now on, because it's almost certainly the best in the county
562. The fact that Flint is far superior to Kankakee in every way
563. Dress socks on a hot day
564. People who act like I don't know, but I do, and I always have
565. The person who came up with the idea of getting graded according to "points"
566. Not being able to turn in randomly ordered numbered lists in the place of academic papers
567. Having written five extra hate list entries to make 600
568. Making plans long in advance, because I'm never in the mood for what I planned to do when it finally comes around
569. The lurking fear that I may contract carpal tunnel syndrome before this school year is up
570. Having very many options, but very few that seem to make much sense
571. The fact that having a college degree puts so much pressure on me to find a "decent job" when all I really want to do is bag groceries
572. Sick bastards
573. Not having any really controversial ideas to put into book form
574. Having lost my moral compass
575. Not knowing what is worth knowing
576. When people take isolated things I say as somehow representative of how I am as a whole
577. People who claim to be complicated and mysterious
578. People who claim to be "special"
579. People who get married way too soon (that is, ever)
580. People who buy any party line
581. People who sincerely believe that they can "come to their own conclusions," as though they are a uniquely fine-tuned opinion-generating machine that will express itself fully if they just let it run long enough
582. When people constantly appeal to some vague time in the past when things were supposedly better
583. The desire of those with a "Christian worldview" to return to the basic social structure of the middle ages
584. The term "middle ages": people lived out their entire lives during that period without thinking of themselves as participating in a "transitional period" between the Romans and us
585. Feeling somehow called upon to explain away child abuse
586. The fact that I loved Chopin in high school, but now I find him predictable and overly "dramatic"
587. Being virtually impervious to Romantic poetry
588. The fact that I think I hate not knowing what's going to happen in my life, but I would almost certainly equally hate knowing exactly what's going to happen
589. Checking my e-mail too much: what message do I want to receive?
590. My stupid desire not to look like I'm just following trends
591. Pot shots at postmodernism
592. The fact that postmodernists largely brought it upon themselves with their opaque writing style
593. The Fear
594. Every TV show except the Simpsons
595. The fact that I never think Saturday Night Live is funny, but I feel some vague cultural obligation to watch it when I have a chance
596. Catching myself making broad overgeneralizations when I have nothing close to a specific example in mind
597. When my intense desire to know about something leads me to talk about it all the time as though I do actually know it
598. The thought of working virtually any job, including teaching
599. Putting "wallpaper" on my computer's "desktop," but not being able to put wallpaper on my actual desktop
600. When people call their "wallpaper" a "screensaver"
601. When people call the "stupid porn-filtering software" the "firewall"
602. I guess I could just make this shorter by saying I hate it when people misuse technical terms
603. I also hate it when I hear those misused terms so much that I start using them, too
604. The fact that I almost always just say "[person] and me," even when it's the subject of a sentence
605. People who have so little imagination that their favorite painting is "Starry Night"
606. The fact that my apathy toward the work world is probably going to lead me to accept a mediocre, non-challenging job
607. The term "pet peeve"
608. Feeling genuinely persecuted by the lack of working file-sharing programs on Olivet's campus
609. Applying for jobs
610. People who are excessively mysterious
611. All my CDs
612. The fact that the cheapest new CDs are still around $15
613. Losing an hour of sleep
614. The Olivet "dating scene," also known as "the least healthy environment, sexually speaking, outside of a brothel in Thailand"
615. Being incapable of thinking of a creative color scheme for my web page
616. Being too lazy to learn any new things on my computer
617. When my roommate leaves the light on in the kitchen or in the living room all night long, while sleeping with her door locked and a lamp on inside her bedroom
618. When my roommate steals my laundry basket, and leaves it in her room full of clean clothes that she has yet to fold
619. Meetings that last too long and have no relevance to any work I do
620. The feeling of a cat's tongue after they have licked your face twenty times
621. Awkward silences when walking with a co-worker you hardly know
622. Awkward silences while sitting in your living room with your weird roommate
623. When the trash is overflowing, and no one takes it out
624. When people throw away empty boxes, and don't crush them first
625. People that think they are hilarious when, in fact, they are not
626. Suck-ups and brown-nosers
627. Hard candy that is so old, the wrapper won't come off
628. When I'm walking alone past a group of enthusiastically laughing people who decide they want to include me in their joke
629. The fact that the truth is always "somewhere in the middle": why can't one of the far ends be true for once?
630. When people make a huge deal out of the fact that they don't know how to pronounce something: since no one else knows either, if you just pretend you know, you'll be able to get away with it
631. People who find their own ignorance endlessly amusing
632. Virtually any sporting event
633. Attending the vast majority of classes
634. Constantly worrying about money
635. Being incapable of graciously accepting a gift
636. The fact that the past, compared to which people are not doing certain things "anymore" (reading books, learning foreign languages, treating each other with courtesy), did not actually exist
637. The fact that we've mistaken the ideals of the 1950s with the reality of the 1950s
638. People who unquestionably accept the conventional wisdom
639. People who paid no attention in any high school history class, yet feel qualified to make broad, groundless historical generalizations
640. Every guy I am not already friends with
641. People whose main qualification for assessing literature is never having read anything "dirty"
642. People who feel comfortable dismissing anything that makes them uncomfortable as "trash"
643. Pretty much just people who feel comfortable
644. Really smart people who act like they wish they could look at the world more simply, when it's obvious that they're happy with the way they are and view their enlightened opinions as superior
645. When someone decides it's appropriate to turn the heat down to 55 and leave a window wide open all night, so that it's utterly impossible for me to get out of bed in the morning
646. How fast our apartment runs out of hot water
647. That Olivet's water smells like chlorine most of the time
648. Smelling things that no one else notices, because it's not like I can point to the odor or walk right up to it to demonstrate that something does in fact smell a certain way
649. Being overly sensitive to background music in stores
650. The fact that I just answered the phone, recognized my roommate's dad's voice, and then unconsciously made fun of him by imitating him
651. People who are afraid to complain
652. People who think they really understand
653. Country music
654. Hard Decisions
655. The widespread underappreciation of Sir Philip Sidney's poetry
656. People who are supposedly my friends but never have time to freaking talk to me
657. The unparalleled opportunity to get an annoying song in my head that the movie Moulin Rouge represents
658. People who speak in broad terms about the way children perceive the world
659. Really nice people
660. Really earnest people
661. Female stand-up comics whose entire act centers on being bitter toward men
662. Women who are funny, because I feel that my phallocentric patriarchal authority is under attack
663. People who think that academic jargon isn't funny
664. Hardly ever being able to assume that anyone has read any specific book, even something like Huckleberry Finn or the Gospel of Luke
665. That Olivet's internet service has some kind of significant problem at least 20% of the time
666. Web-based e-mail
667. Any web-based application, because it's so much faster just to have the program on my own computer and not have to wait for a new page to load every time I do anything
668. That the act of updating my web page on my computer makes me more likely to complain about computers on the hate list than I would in real life
669. Finding myself repeating the same story over and over
670. Being unable to justify any of my opinions or preferences
671. Being left out of a secret
672. Having to wear a different thing every day
673. Rock stars who do nothing but whine, which would be virtually all of them
674. Reading eight books by Nietzsche without having my life torn apart
675. Being able to tell when book reviewers are probably missing the point, even when I haven't read the book
676. Not receiving a stipend
677. The appalling amount of time I once spent fiddling with my computer
678. The fact that the hate list is so incredibly long and that it is nowhere near its potential length since I've deleted a large percentage of the entries that have ever been posted
679. The fact that sometimes just knowing doesn't help
680. "Cute"
681. People who always miss the point
682. People who pretend to speak with authority about authors about whom they have only third- or fourth-hand knowledge
683. The incredible crappiness of my web page's layout
684. Learning enough to become aware of my startling ignorance, but not nearly enough to begin getting rid of it
685. Friendships that drift apart
686. When peers do not look at one as a peer
687. Feeling guilty for no reason
688. People who have bought into the "lingo"
689. Being unable, in principle, to say what I really mean
690. When my education gets in the way of my reading
691. "Garfield"
692. Setting unrealistic goals for myself
693. Assuming that every goal will turn out to be unrealistic
694. Sub-freezing temperatures and the wind of Illinois that makes it all the more irritating
695. People who say that they enjoy cold weather, I mean seriously, go out side and stand naked for a while and then tell me whether or not we were made to live like this
696. All of the people that I hold dear live in a country that I have grown to loathe
697. I am not talking about Canada
698. The fact that we, as Americans, are killing people
699. I am talking about me and I am talking about you (yes, especially you)
700. No matter how much I hate the system that I live in, I can do nothing but be a contributor to the evil as long as I live here
701. The war on terrorism will never end the evil of violent terror; it will only awaken more people to the evil of the United States and thus create more terrorists.
702. I am pretty sure that the more we seek violence against these people the more desperate they will become
703. As a result of this September 11 will seem like a slap on the hand
704. Our country's educational system is not designed to serve the individual and in turn their community
705. The educational system is designed to serve capitalism and in turn those already wealthy by the further oppression of those already poor
706. How bad things have to have become when we can only see violence as the answer, because violence is never the answer
707. All we need is love, and yet all we do is promote ourselves at the expense of others
708. The craftiness of our society's design in order to dupe people into comfortable blindness to the world's reality of suffering
709. The lives that this society encourages us to lead are filled with the right amount of toil and enjoyment so that at the end of the day we are either too tired or too pleased to oppose
710. The inability of the individual to make a large-scale difference
711. Never-ending depression and despair
712. Country music
713. Wasting my life staring at a screen
714. Robb's "ugly people" screen saver
715. Having a college schedule reminiscent of High School (i.e. 1 class every hour for 6 hours)
716. Being told to shut up by someone that never talks
717. When Hermits break their oaths of silence to tell me to shut up
718. Using the above instances to enter into an intense discourse on the nature and origin of the phrase "shut up"
719. Having to listen to conversations about different types of trumpet mouthpieces with feigned interest
720. When I realize that the piece I'm composing reminds most people of a "Cure" song from the 1970-something
721. Coming to the realization that I'm an awful lyricist AFTER I write a couple songs
722. Being unable to deny the fact that 50s-era Britney Spears is hot. She's so killin' that outfit, and you know it
723. When some hoe caps me, and I left my nine at the crib
724. The fact that in real life you can't do ANY of the things you can do in Grand Theft Auto 3
725. Wanting to do the things in Grand Theft Auto 3
726. Realizing that if I have children, I'll have to hide that game for 18 years at least
727. When people prounounce "Ye Olde Bookshoppe" "yee oldey bookshoppee". I'm pretty sure that the "y" in "ye" is a derivative of the old english "p" that made the "th" sound. It should just be "The Old Bookshop," people. Honest. Look it up.
728. That last entry
729. Knowing that I wrote the aforementioned entry
730. When the defending army gets it into their heads that they should neutralize my tanks by throwing molotov cocktails at them
731. Liquid Burning Death in any variety
732. That fact that my pet pirahna get skelotonize rats with nearly the same speed and voracity he used to possess. I guess he's getting old.
733. The fact that I like trees, but not forests
734. The fact that I like persons, but not people
735. People who think it is their duty to stop me from being really stupid, naive, innocent, and the like
736. The fact that their were no new hate list entries on the new webpage update
737. Using a urinal without a urinal cake: what should I aim at?
738. Overbearing personalities
739. People at work who constantly ask “Are you done yet?”
740. Buying a stock and then watching it fall 36% in 2 days
741. Being reminded of that purchase repeatedly by the same person who asks “Are you done yet?”
742. Mondays
743. Wanting reconciliation with someone and not knowing how to go about it
744. Old people
745. When I install software that secretly installs about 500 other things that screw up my computer completely
746. When I'm trying to look at a certain webpage, but instead of getting anything useful from the site I spend all my time closing the pop-up ads
747. The fact that computer problems always seem to correspond to the times I decide to write a paper
748. When professors overreact
749. When stupid things I do don't "blow over" fast enough
750. Writing excessively long lit papers
751. Spending three hours reading a hate list when I could have used the time to read War and Peace.
752. The fact that I probably learned more reading this hate list than I would have reading War and Peace.
753. The fact that I fit the description of about 196 "hates" in this list.
754. Coming up with a truly effective catch-phrase, only to overuse it
755. Lazy people who don't update their web pages for months at a time and then expect people to sit down and read several interminable commentaries all in one sitting
756. The superior air of many evangelical Christians: yes, you have found The Truth, but please be more patient with the rest of us
757. People who think that I'm only sarcastic
758. The green-on-black color scheme of my web page and the fact that I can't think of anything better at the moment
759. George W. Bush, and every policy emanating therefrom
760. Those damn modernists
761. Forgetting that other people still have stupidly high "moral standards" about really minor things
762. Having lost the ability to distinguish between sarcasm and sincerity in my own discourse
763. Microsoft Windows ME
764. America Online, especially the ongoing battle it has with Winamp
765. I know it's been done to death, but: Microsoft products in general
766. Computer programs that know what I really need better than I do
767. People who suck up to professors
768. Being pushed to the limit by inane vituperation
769. The nation-state
770. Being unable to distinguish truth from falsehood
771. The fact that Martin Heidegger was an actual, unapologetic Nazi
772. The fact that the semi-colon key is more easily accessible than the "e" key
773. That Dilbert is always the same old thing, but it's still fairly funny
774. Mindless work
775. The smell of ammonia
776. Not knowing how to spell the final word in the previous entry
777. Not going back to England next semester
778. Living in the fattest, stupidest, and most powerful country in the world
779. Living up to what I assume are other people's expectations but have no way of knowing because I assume they don't expect me to ask what they expect of me
780. Any shirts that don't have stripes
781. The fact that apparently I've been repressing all kinds of hatred for the last few weeks
782. Traffic jams
783. Everything having to do with the roads in Kankakee County, Illinois
784. The fact that this semester there have been two parking-lot-related accidents requiring an ambulance
785. Having the same old CDs for years at a time
786. Not being able to type anymore
787. Having big plans, then suddenly losing all motivation when the time comes to put them into action
788. People who are afraid of Harry Potter
789. People who think the whole point of Christianity is to be afraid of things and stay away
790. Virtually all my classes this semester
791. Knowing that I'll probably have homework over Christmas break
792. The fact that communism isn't life's riddle solved
793. The fact that people can't learn to use a damn computer
794. When people make promises they know they can't possibly keep
795. People who are too cute for me to get mad at them
796. Looking "foolish"
797. Excessive use of "scare quotes"
798. Automatic flushing toilets
799. Being insecure about such things as my girlfriend going out to have some drinks with the "guys" she works with
800. Having such insecurities led to a "break" in our relationship
801. The fact that the word "break" can be very vague when used in relationships. Are we getting back together or not?
802. Not having a floor mat in the shower
803. If a girl makes out with you at a bar it by no means is a binding contract for even a first date
804. The fact that Microsoft Word by default makes all web addresses blue-and-underlined: yeah, thanks; let me run my mouse across this piece of paper and click on this link
805. Existential angst in my cereal
806. Being almost physically incapable of starting to read for my senior honors project
807. When it's far too cold in the morning to get out of bed
808. Messy roomates
809. The excuse "The clutter just doesn't bother me"
810. The fact that clutter bothers me enough to clean up after my messy roomate
811. Knowing that tomorrow I'm going to be offered a postition at a company, and this evening I get an email from a much better company saying they are interested in me
812. Fucking apple butter
813. Christians who critisize homosexuality and feminism in the same breath that they express their profound disappointment that the movie they're watching doesn't have enough boobs in it
814. Having a cough that won't go away
815. Nepotism
816. The fact that every stupid thing in the world is now built around my needs and my desires
817. The fact that I grew up without a culture
818. The fact that I grew up in a religious environment that was almost completely devoid of any worthwhile intellectual content
819. The fact that in the religious environment in which I lived, an active and curious intellect was considered dangerous
820. The fact that the evangelists were always right when they said they never saw anyone who "walked away from the Spirit" happy
821. The fact that I catch myself thinking that a passionate interest in philosophy and literature and all the things that could maybe tell us why the world is so jacked up is not necessarily "better" than an interest in professional wrestling, that the ground that would allow me to make that value judgement has been consistently cut out from under me
822. The fact that people who speak English are so stupid and insecure that they have to use such unnecessarily wordy expressions as "the fact that"
823. The fact that a lot of time in elementary school that could have been spent learning another language was instead spent learning how to use paste
824. The fact that my stupid parents bought me a Nintendo
825. The fact that I thought I wanted one or that it would do me some good to have one
826. The fact that I've been raised with the ridiculous notion that society wants me to "Be Myself"
827. The fact that I've never been really smart and never will be, at least in any meaningful way
828. The fact that my upbringing never equipped me with an image of what it would be like to actually be happy
829. People with the following defining traits: They belittle you for not being self-confident, and the moment you begin to show more backbone, they belittle you to the point of making you lose any confidence you may have had in the first place. Those people really piss me off. They make me feel like crap, and when they realize they've made me feel like crap, they get on the moral indignation train and act like it's all my fault I feel like crap in the first place, and that if only I knew how to handle criticism properly everything would be happy
830. The shoddy construction standards of our modern buildings compared to those of the past
831. The fact that people still watch "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
832. Myself, for playing Mario Kart when I should have been studying
833. Novell Netware
834. Sleeping too much
835. Having the air conditioner up too high all the time, so that I constantly fall asleep
836. Having to go to a driver improvement program when I've proven what a good driver I am by running a red light and causing an accident
837. People who are stupid about Olivet's rules
838. The fact that Olivet effectively encourages homosexuality through its rules, yet looks down on it officially
839. When people speak really artificially in public, with strange and awkward pauses and intonations (for example, Chaplain Bill Bray)
840. The fact that the Love List is apparently going to whither away, or the fact that people come across new things to love less often than new things to hate
841. The Public Safety (aka Security), whenever I am driving around I see them and think they are the cops. I think that they like it that way. I think it makes them feel more powerful than they actually are
842. When I stop and think about it Olivet makes me feel like I am in prison. If it weren't absurd, and extremely expensive, I think they would have cameras monitoring every room
843. Perhaps not the majority, but an overwhelming amount, of the people I encounter here are superficial and ignorant. They make people feel like they are less than Christian because they don't do things the way that the majority of Olivet Christians do
844. The fact that I could probably make this list a lot longer
845. Power hungry morons who never quit trying to control the lives of others
846. "Even if its easy to be free, what'ss your definition of freedom? And who the "F" are you, anyway? Who the "F" are they?" (NOFX)
847. The social corruption that is our government for the people by the people. I don't remember anybody ever asking me
848. The filth of the earth go on living while those who are of worth die young
849. Popular entertainment
850. TV
851. Top 40 music
852. probably half of the movies made
853. I don't appreciate half the things that are going right, instead I consume myself with all the things that are going wrong
854. When people are worried about me
855. The fact that my actions have consequences
856. How hard it is to drive properly when I'm like totally wasted, dude
857. When the people in the house I'm robbing wake up
858. Circumflex accents
859. People who are stupid in such a way that it seems like they could help it
860. card games of any kind. no exceptions
861. having to legitimately consider using a wheelbarrow to return all one's books to the library
862. dreams about my girlfriend running off with a geeky rock star
863. letters from said girlfriend following her engagement to said rock star
864. rivers cuomo. vengeance is mine. i will repay
865. gackt-obsessed pinheads who automatically assume "Merveilles" is Malice Mizer's most accomplished album, when anyone with a functioning brain could tell you that "Bara no Seido" is by far the more daring work
866. seeing oneself in the mirror at 3 AM in a mirror at a tim horton's outside of waterloo, ontario
867. the naked people. always the naked people
868. radiohead's near-constant theft of many of the electric light orchestra's best ideas
869. professors who insist on discussing their son's attendance at harvard to class which is, to a man, composed of students too dumb or too poor (often both) to even consider such a thing
870. any weather report that does not call for "65 degrees and partly cloudy"
871. finding that Death is, quite frankly, a pathetically bad chess player
872. that someone would even consider asking you to clean the grease trap outside the food court
873. that something so unspeakably vile as a grease trap (literally a large box of grease) should even exist
874. finding that your mutant power to control ink is surprisingly messy, and of little interest at parties
875. When people are in love: they're so happy
876. Owners of small businesses
877. When a full-time job suddenly becomes a part-time job
878. Prolonged droughts
879. Being fired from a job that I was just starting to like
880. When people are being stupid and get me tangled up in it
881. The fact that you never really hear about a "high-on-marijuana" driver killing someone, but somehow alcohol is the socially accepted drug
882. The Bush Administration's policies
883. The Bush Administration's extreme cockiness
884. The fact that I kept typing "Bust" when I meant "Bush"
885. Sudden attacks of Oxford nostalgia
886. Theological debate with people who already know everything
887. The stupid bugs that attack me whenever I'm performing any mowing-related task
888. Ugliness
889. The wealthy: because as we all have known from the time we were two, people are real jerks about the things that they own, and it naturally follows that those who own more would be proportionately bigger jerks
890. The poor: because as we all have known from the time we were two, people are real jerks when they feel like they are being deprived of something, and it naturally follows that those who have less would be proportinately bigger jerks
891. The middle class: because they work their entire life to pile their stuff around them, and they gain remarkably little genuine freedom in the process
892. Those who talk about the "power of prayer" and act as though that power is best displayed when superficially negative things in life go away or when something really good happens
893. People who think they know what happiness is
894. Reading a book, finding it slightly boring, but seeing enough of myself in it that I have to wonder if everyone who has to listen to me finds me that boring
895. Being unable to commit to much beyond going to mass every Sunday
896. Having finally found the power to hate, which has lain dormant in me for months now
897. The fact that no one ever talks about loving the sin and hating the sinner
898. People who completely disregard any rules of punctuation or spelling in their online correspondance: not because I'm a snob, but because it genuinely gets in the way of understanding
899. Being stuck working at Chicago Dough because all the other good jobs available would require me to have the car that I wrecked while working for Chicago Dough
900. Any kind of throat infection
901. Junk e-mail: because when I see the little icon alerting me to new mail, I think, "Oh, maybe that's the message from one of my friends who hasn't written in a while," but then I find out that it's just that same bastard sending me the secret to 100% natural penis growth
902. Going from the most peaceful and perfect period in my life to probably the worst in a matter of two months
903. The fact that Windows ME has not actually locked up on me very much, because that means that Microsoft products are improving and are less worthy of my loathing
904. When I have an insight into flaws in my personality, because then I feel pressure to change them
905. The web page for First American Bank, because they go out of their way to make the messages "funny" and "cute," but that only adds to the annoyance of using a poorly designed web page
906. Web designers who are too lazy to change the format of their web pages
907. Picking on friends for no reason
908. Being a self loather
909. Beer (although the Guiness I tried on recomendation wasn't that bad)
910. Being bored with video games
911. PIC chip microprocessors
912. Chicago Steel Tape
913. People who never talk about anything but their stupid job
914. People who never say anything but the most banal things that anyone in the world could have said
915. When Evangelical Christians view me as a perfect opportunity to ask those burning questions about the Catholic Church, which are as follows:
     • Do Catholics realize that they can go straight to God for forgiveness without a priest?
     • Do Catholics realize that they can read the Bible and pray beyond just Sunday morning?
     • Why do Catholics pray to Mary when they can just go straight to God?
     If you really want to know, they have books in the library about these things. But C. S. Lewis didn't write any of those books, so you should probably approach with caution.
916. When people assume that I will want to date any Catholic girl they stumble across, without realizing that one out of every six people in the world is Catholic
917. Discussing nothing but issues of practicality or entertainment
918. People who already know everything
919. The fact that it's my fault when my parents disagree with my relatively reasonable and responsible decisions
920. The fact that I can have a 3.9 GPA, have maintained a huge college scholarship, not be a drug addict, not be gay, and still feel like I'm letting someone down
921. Feeling vaguely sick
922. Work
923. The fact that no matter how hard I try, I cannnot hate girls anymore
924. The fact that I am more difficult for me to understand than any girl has ever been
925. Generalizations about men or women
926. Not having a car
927. Insurance companies
928. Not having soap in the bathroom
929. Filthy public bathrooms
930. Owners of small businesses
931. The thought of ever again working ten hours a day mowing lawns
932. Going to work at a pizza place at 8:00 AM
933. The fact that delivering pizzas is a great way not to make money
934. Realizing how pathetic I once was, and realizing that I'll probably look back on now and realize that I'm somehow pathetic
935. Wanting to sing a song but not knowing the words
936. Unstructured companies
937. Knowing the since I'm not in college anymore I should be looking for a real job
938. Realizing that I am more like my mother than I want to admit
939. As stated by someone else "Girls"
940. Being alone
941. Working three out of my five shifts as a delivery driver, and therefore making no money
942. Supplementing my pizza job with a job in the worst shit hole in the whole world
943. Realizing that being a good manager means being an asshole
944. Vices
945. Compulsive buying
946. Worrying about being caught at work writing a hate list
947. Girls, because all I really want is girls
948. People who haven't realized that if they took a picture it would last longer
949. Areas of our country that don't have trees
950. Hot girls who get married
951. Hot girls who are in any other sort of serious committed relationship
952. Hot girls who, for any other reasons besides the ones previously mentioned, still won't date me
953. I guess I should have just said all hot girls
954. "The Man" is fighting awfully hard these days to keep me down
955. My inability to appease the gods
956. The world is coming to an end in about ten years (Dec 2012)and no one is making a big deal about it
957. Since I know the world is coming to an end I can't get myself motivated to bathe, complete my degree, get a job, take care of this infected wound that is starting to make my leg turn a bluish greenish color, or make proper sacrifices to appease the gods
958. The World
959. My church upbringing forgot to inform me that wearing pants that are too big, tattoos, having blue hair, and listening to punk rock music are damnable offenses
960. The outrageous gas prices
961. Once again I feel motivated to mention capitalism
962. The United States
963. If we ever went to war with China I would probably end up getting deported because of constant support of communist ideals
964. I am not sure if that would be a bad thing
965. Getting lost while delivering pizzas
966. Not being allowed to think
967. Not having a ridiculous amount of schoolwork to do
968. Not making money
969. Not having any friends
970. Not having any reason to live
971. No longer being in Oxford
972. The stupid Love List -- who wants to waste their time on that?
973. People who do not clearly display the number of their house, and I hate even more those pretensious morons who disply the number, but they put it in black cursive writing that is impossible to read after 4:30 PM
974. Bosses who make empty threats
975. The fact that love is a naive illusion
976. Other people
977. Having too much time
978. Sleeping too much
979. Having an empty page in front of me
980. Nothing
981. Mentioning the word communism in a room full of people that still think it's the big red monster.
982. People speaking in foreign languages just so you have no idea that you are being ridiculed.
983. Gen x movies.
984. Boy bands.
985. Pretending to have a clue.
986. Any decision involving the future.
987. Living in florida, known as the penis of the country where everyone happens to be a penis.
988. The whole process of labeling people and yet not wanting to be labeled.
989. Corporate hard core.
990. Wanting to be in the one place that i've been telling myself for a lifetime that i despise.
991. Not being able to partake in the only thing i've ever been good at.
992. Falling in love with girls over the internet.
993. The complexities of Olivet's bureaucracy
994. The challenge of spelling byurockracy.
995. The fact that back in the day, English was actually a phonetic language where the spelling of words made sense, but then they decided they'd go ahead and give that up
996. Not having much to hate lately
997. When it rains, and then a few hours later it rains again, and then it takes a break, during which it is cold, followed by rain
998. Leaving
999. Staying too long
1000. Being patronized
1001. Following the dictates of the They
1002. Having too few options
1003. Having too many options
1004. The lack of modern poets writing in heroic couplets
1005. The Way Things Are Now
1006. The use of "..." to signify trailing off
1007. Not knowing
1008. Not trying
1009. Not doing
1010. Not caring
1011. Not living
1012. Uninformed generalizations
1013. When the people who write the footnotes are wrong
1014. People who don't understand anything at all, ever
1015. Stupid people who drink my milk
1016. Stupid people who don't do their own dishes
1017. Stupid people who steal the magazines out of the kitchen
1018. Stupid people who think they're being helpful by taking the garbage bag out of the can and then leaving it sitting there
1019. Stupid people who sit in the computer lab and do absolutely nothing but talk loudly to each other, mainly about the fact that they can't motivate themselves to get their work done
1020. Being totally incapable of loving the sinner and hating the sin
1021. When people chew with their mouths open and make disgusting smacking noises
1022. When people think that the appropriate way to carry on a conversation is to give a very long monologue, and then when the next person is done talking, pick up exactly where their previous monologue left off, as though no one else is capable of saying something worth hearing
1023. When those same people talk as loudly as possible at all times
1024. Being passive-aggressive
1025. Being one of the people who ignore difficult situations, not because I'd rather it be that way, but because I'm often too spineless to discuss them like civilized adults
1026. When you find out that one of your friends is pursuing a relationship with the same girl as you
1027. When this happens three different times in one year
1028. Knowing that whether I go to the Winter Formal by myself, or stay home by myself, I'm still going to be extremely depressed by the fact that I'm not at the dance with a wonderful girl
1029. The fact that I have less than 2.5 years to find a girlfriend before I enter an institute of education where probably 99% of the student body is male, and the women who are there are likely to already be married
1030. The fact that I could get a 100% in my history class without reading a single page of the book and skipping every day of class except for test days and review days when the teacher reads every question of the multiple choice test so that all we have to do is look up the answers
1031. Having an American history test that covers 1900 to 1920, yet only asks one question about WW I
1032. The fact that the college president thinks he can alleviate some of the student body's anger by sending a letter explaining why they have to increase tuition
1033. Knowing that my favorite radio station is owned by Disney
1034. The fact that Ann Arbor has no good radio stations and all I can get are the static ones from Detroit
1035. Any form of socialism that is less than perfect
1036. The fact that socialism will never be perfect
1037. Having been a socialist myself a year ago
1038. Not being allowed in Rebekah Dorm after 1:00 in the morning
1039. The fact that most of Americans no longer value good high church liturgy in their worship services anymore
1040. The Great Awakening and revivalism
1041. Not being allowed to have beer on campus even though I detest its taste
1042. Democracy
1043. Everyone who thinks our country is a democracy
1044. Tedious busy work that is assigned to make sure I do my class readings (I paid for the class and the books, I'm going to read them)
1045. People who think it is more important to get an A than to learn anything
1046. Knowing that I probably won't be able to study overseas because it would mess up my plans for graduating on time
1047. People who call my room at 3 AM looking for Kevin Costner [Editor's Note: Submitted by Kevin Koester]
1048. One of the public restrooms I most commonly use has two doors in a row before I am in the bathroom proper; this wouldn't be a problem if they didn't open in opposite directions toward each other
1049. Turning in a Paper in Search of a Thesis
1050. The fact that I can't have the girls I want, but I am willing to make out with girls who want me
1051. Those people who would rather ignore difficult situations than discuss them like civilized adults
1052. Our superficial society
1053. Capitalism
1054. Thinking about arguments that happened in the past and getting mad all over again
1055. The fact that I don't have ethernet-speed wireless Internet access
1056. The fact that I have to restart Microsoft Hearts entirely to start a new game without finishing the current one
1057. Being all alone in the hate list
1058. My ridiculously expensive phone card
1059. That I can't think of any hated object to enumerate in this spot
1060. The fact that the noise from my CD-ROM drive is often louder than the music from my laptop speakers
1061. Constantly writing papers when I could be reading more
1062. Falling asleep while attempting to read
1063. Looking at what I was supposedly reading while struggling to stay awake the night before and realizing that I might as well never have seen it before in my life
1064. People whose gods come on the cover of a magazine
1065. The fact that I hate Macintoshes
1066. Decadence
1067. Listening to music on headphones
1068. Allergies
1069. That awkward feeling of having used over 200 Kleenexes in one day
1070. Being unable to resist playing 3D Pinball for Windows constantly
1071. Having had the same old boring mp3s forever
1072. Having to go straight from a semester at Oxford to a summer-long program of learning the martial arts in Japan
1073. The fact that America sucks, but everyone else is too poor for me to want to move there
1074. Towns built from the ground up so that everyone will drive everywhere
1075. The British road "layout"
1076. Maggie: A Girl of the Streets
1077. Not knowing anything at all
1078. Falling asleep while trying to read
1079. Having to go "number two" without a book handy
1080. Being ripped off
1081. The process of rationalization
1082. Imperfection
1083. The System
1084. The Economy, Stupid
1085. The Market
1086. Excessive Capitalization
1087. Every girl at Olivet: yes, even you.
1088. Being arrested on a technicality, like "having killed someone in cold blood"
1089. The word "Wesleyanism"
1090. Zeroing out my bank account
1091. Not having the guts to take out student loans to cover all my college expenses, max out every credit card I get an application for, then move to a non-extradition country for the rest of my life
1092. Being like super-pumped
1093. Cocky presidential candidates who don't seem to acknowledge the fact that they could have won by more than 1000 votes out of 250 million had they simply given the country some reason to care about their candidacy
1094. Walking through metal detectors, because then they find the gun I was trying to hide
1095. My lack of the resolve necessary to become a professional drug dealer
1096. Money
1097. When your highly paid mercenaries change sides in the middle of the battle
1098. Being brutally murdered
1099. Bach's Two-Part Invention No. 8
1100. Linux
1101. Windows
1102. Netscape
1103. The person who invented the faucets that stay on for two seconds at a time
1104. The person who keeps dripping other kinds of dressing in the caesar
1105. The person who gets mustard on the handle of the ketchup ladle
1106. Mountain Dew: seriously, it tastes like urine
1107. The fact that HTML doesn't have a double-spacing option, because otherwise I would write every last one of my papers in it. I'm serious [Editor's Note: As should be clear by now, HTML does in fact have a double-spacing option, but I was too ignorant to use it before.]
1108. Dropping the bar on my throat while bench-pressing
1109. JAKES!

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